The Control Connection and Lack of AccountabilityBy Mary Lindow
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WHERE HAVE ALL THE PEOPLE OF INTEGRITY GONE?
You can hear folks saying this everywhere as the world spins and gasps in
shock over even the pilfering of aid sent to earthquake damaged countries!
Who would ever believe that we could be "duped" by a few high level
officials?
How does this happen and - why didn't anybody warn us or...
...do something?!!!
AND!
Just listen to the lips of current politicians flapping in the breeze and you
will hear more deceit and bloated empty promises spewing out like rapid
machine gun fire! Absolutely nauseating!
THE REALIZATION OF A MASSIVE TRUTH - IT CAN ALSO HAPPEN TO YOU!
In Galatians 5:19-21 Paul lists the works of the 'flesh' (“sinful nature”).
In the middle he mentions “idolatry, sorcery” (NKJV) or “idolatry and
witchcraft” (NIV).
THE CONTROL CONNECTION
Our fallen, rebellious, sinful nature, if not brutally dealt with - this
insidious root can deceive even the Christian believer if he of she is not
transparent before God and is in humble, healthy and mature relational
accountability to other members in the Body of Christ! (Not easy to
do…but healthy!)
But real godly accountability must be vulnerable at all times, wise in
listening to advice, and not selective about what things we want to be
accountable for or not. “Delicatessen Accountability” is not going to bless
your life, and it will frustrate your family and friends to tears.
HUMILITY HAS NO PROBLEM EXPOSING ITSELF.
It is a natural outpouring of what is in the heart of a true follower
when put under the pressure of the test of exposure.
NOTICE THAT SOME BELIEVERS OPENLY CONFESSED THEIR SINS TO ONE
ANOTHER!
Acts 19:18
Many of those who believed
now came and openly confessed their evil deeds.
AND AGAIN IN THE BOOK OF JAMES ALL BELIEVERS ARE URGED TO
CONFESS THEIR SINS HUMBLY TO ONE ANOTHER, AND ALLOW THEM TO BE
PRAYED FOR AND HEALED OF HIDDEN INIQUITIES!
Therefore confess your sins to each other ,
and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
James 5:16
DEFINITION:
Accountability - noun
EX: "There must be accountability for the expenditure of every public cent
responsibility." liability
answerability
Accountable- adjective
( of a person, organization, or institution)required or expected to justify
actions or decisions; responsible
THIS NATURE OF THE FLESH OFTEN MANIFESTS ITSELF, EVEN IN INFANCY,
IN EFFORTS TO CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE.
We feel secure if we can control others.
Then they do not threaten us; they do what we want!
GOD, ON THE OTHER HAND, NEVER SEEKS TO CONTROL US.
He respects the free will He has given each of us, although He does hold us
responsible for how we use that freedom.
THERE ARE THREE WAYS THE DESIRE TO CONTROL OTHERS EXPRESSES
ITSELF:
MANIPULATION
INTIMIDATION
DOMINATION
THE GOAL IS DOMINATION.
People who recognize that they are weaker than those they seek to control
tend to manipulate; those who feel stronger tend to intimidate. But the end
purpose is the same: to dominate - that is, to control others and get them
to do what we want.
MANY FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS PORTRAY THIS.
Husbands intimidate their wives by fits of rage or actual violence. Wives
manipulate their husbands by tears and hurt feelings, and often making
them feel guilty for their shortcomings. Parents frequently intimidate or
manipulate their children. But, alternatively, children can become
extremely adept at manipulating their parents.
ONE MAIN TOOL OF MANIPULATION IS GUILT.
Once we learn to recognize the desire to control others as an evil,
manipulative force,
we will see it at work in many different areas.
ONCE WE RECOGNIZE THESE DEVICES AS DISGUISES OF REBELLION, WE
REALIZE THAT IN OUR CONTEMPORARY AND POST MODERN CULTURE WE
ARE BEING EXPOSED CONTINUALLY TO ITS PRESSURE!
This gives new meaning to Paul's statement in II Corinthians 4:4 that
“the god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers” (NIV).
People who habitually use manipulation or intimidation to control others
will be taken over by a demonic and deceitful spirit masquerading itself in
many cloaked forms, often shifting it's present demeanor in order to
influence others to their way of thinking, but still is a form of evil. After
that they will be unable to relate to anyone apart from these tactics.
“He who conceals his sins does not prosper,
but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”
Proverbs 28:13
“Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD "-
and you forgave the guilt of my sin.” Selah
Psalm 32:5
EACH PERSON MUST MEET THE CONDITIONS FOR BEING SET FREE
I confess my iniquity;
I am troubled by my sin.
Psalm 38:18
ON ONE SIDE, THE PERSON EXERCISING CONTROL MUST REPENT
AND RENOUNCE HIS OR HER DESIRE TO CONTROL.
ON THE OTHER SIDE, THE PERSON BEING CONTROLLED MUST REPENT
OF SUBMITTING TO SUCH CONTROL
(This does not mean necessarily a separation from the relationship… but a
healthy detaching from 'being controlled' as the relationship functions.
Fear is at work underneath this structure… fear of man…etc.)
FEAR OF MAN
It is obvious that we must fear God rather than man. If we fear man more
than God,
we will displease God most of the time, because man's ways are usually
opposite of God's.
THE WORD "FEAR" MEANS TO "TREMBLE".
The fear of man may be evidenced by fashion-consciousness, by being
easily embarrassed (even when doing right), by a quickness to defend
ourselves (with lies, if need be), by constant lies and deceptions to gain
honor from others, by pretending to understand when we don't, by giving
compliments which we don't mean, by pretending to agree when we
should disagree, by avoiding giving criticisms and warnings even when
necessary, etc.
OBVIOUSLY, A MAN-FEARER WILL NOT ONLY DISPLEASE GOD, BUT WILL
ALSO ULTIMATELY BE CONSIDERED TOTALLY UNSTABLE AND
UNTRUSTWORTHY BY OTHERS - BECAUSE HE WILL CHANGE HIS MIND AS
SOON AS HE FACES SOMEONE ELSE.
In other words, the "honor" that he receives is only a momentary
acknowledgement for "convenience" provided by his man-pleasing deed.
Man-fearers are "used" and then despised.
Besides…
…WHO KNOWS WHEN A "MAN-FEARER" MAY TURN AGAINST YOU,
AND "SLAY" YOU, SO AS TO OBTAIN HONOUR FROM MEN?
Look at the way politicians cave in under pressure due to the fear of
man and loosing face in from of the “Big People”!
Besides, even if a man-fearer was loved by another, he himself is not loved
but rather his pretended-self is the "one" that is loved.
FEAR OF GOD
"The fear of the LORD
is the beginning of wisdom"
PROVERBS 9: 10
The word 'fear" means to "reverence".
One who fears God is more concerned about what God thinks than what
men think (ACTS 4:19) The result of such fear is a single-minded
obedience to God's Word, and a single-minded aim to glorify God.
A GOD-FEARER IS WILLING TO SUFFER SHAME AND PAIN RATHER THAN TO
DISOBEY GOD
(like Daniel and his friends, DAN 3).
THE FEAR OF GOD IS THE RESULT OF LOVING HIM BECAUSE HE FIRST LOVED
US,
fearing Him because He is constantly watching us, and expecting from Him
all our present and eternal rewards. Since man's ways are usually opposite
to God's, there will be a continuous struggle in us whether to honor God or
man.
The fear of God is evidenced by a godly carefulness regarding being
"In fashion",slowness to be embarrassed before men, a speech that will not
only compliment but also warn (in a gracious and loving manner, Romans
10:18), a quickness to defend God's honor and a quickness to admit one's
mistakes, a caution to accept lavish compliments and a quickness to give
the glory to God.
ONE WHO FEARS GOD IS STABLE, PREDICTABLE AND TRUSTWORTHY -
He or she will simply obey God's Word and will not change his mind
because of man's faces or “undertones of condescension.”
CONCLUSION
WE MUST STOP JUST "ACTING" SPIRITUAL - WE MUST "BE" SPIRITUAL,
We must stop concentrating on the outside and start concentrating on the
inside.
Management experts say that there is no formula for success
but God says:
"Keep therefore the words of this covenant, and do them,
so that you may flourish in all that you do"
(DEU 29:9).
