As some of you know I went to the desert with men of God once a month for years. For the first ten years there was a group of us that would get on our faces before the Lord and pray together. One of our primary prayers during this first ten year period was asking God to allow all of us to take over the "Believer's Meeting" at Calvary Chapel of Costa Mesa when the then current leadership of it retired. This was not entirely an unreasonable expectation since the man in charge was up there in years and could possibly retire.

We always addressed this issue with God each and every gathering together out in the desert. We took this petition before God very seriously as a group. We believed that we could do great good if we were in the leadership of the believers meeting.

One day I had decided to attend the believers meeting to see how things were going there at Calvary Chapel of Costa Mesa.. I got the surprise of my life to see several brothers from the desert ministry setting up microphones in preparation for the believers meeting.

I went up on stage and asked Mike (Our Peter type out in the desert ministry) what was going on. He said, "O Pastor Jim and I are in charge of the Believer's Meeting now. You can stay if you want to." I was pierced through the heart! I tried to ignore the internal pain as I drove home from there that night. I tried to make the pain stop and go away. It didn't.

I had been betrayed by these men. They had cut me out of the decision making loop and had gone to Pastor Chuck Smith behind my back with out any indication to me. Pastor Chuck had allowed them to take over the believer's meeting.

The man who was officially in charge was one of the regulars of the desert ministry who was a former Calvary Chapel pastor, Pastor Jim.

I tried so hard to grasp what had happened to me. I just could not believe that after seeking the Lord for over ten years with these men that they would do this to me. When I had tried to confront Mike about it he blew it off as if it were my personal problem and they had done nothing wrong.

A few weeks later I drove to the believer's meeting which was now in control of these men to see how it was going. The meeting was no longer in the main sanctuary but one of the upper class rooms in the Calvary Chapel School. I parked just below the class room that night. As I was about to come out of my car I spotted Pastor Jim coming down the stairs with tears streaming down his face.  I got out and asked Jim what was wrong. He said, "I don't want to talk about it."

I went into the meeting that night and Mike acted as if nothing had happened as he said Jim would no longer be attending the meetings.

A few years later Mike shared something with us out in the desert. He said that after Pastor Jim left he went into Pastor Chuck Smith's office to ask if he could now be the man in charge of it since Pastor Jim had left. He did not get direct access to Pastor Chuck, assistant Pastor Romaine asked Mike what he had wanted and then went into Pastor Chucks office with the message. Mike was so excited, because now he was soon going to be in full charge, as he sat there waiting out there in the office lobby. Romaine comes out with the expected good news; but it wasn't. Romaine simply says to Mike, "Shut it down" with no explanation.

Mike was crushed.

What had actually happened in all of this?

You see Mike had something in his heart, not of God, that blossomed out when the right opportunity presented its self.  He betrayed me and he betrayed Pastor Jim. Mike and I are still friends, but I find that I have not been able to fully trust him ever since he betrayed me after having prayed beside me for ten years faithfully. I still struggle with that to this day...

One of the outstanding examples of love in the New Testament is found in the conclusion of John 13, yet it is very often neglected. Leading into this passage is the scene of the Last Supper. Christ had just finished washing the disciple's feet. Having concluded that, He gave them exhortation that they ought to wash one another's feet and serve one another.

He told them they would be most blessed and happy if they would do these things. Then He gave them other exhortations which are very much related to the ministry of love.

Jesus had washed Judas feet, and the time had come when Judas would go out to betray the Lord. Jesus knew what would happen within a few hours. The disciples would be like sheep that are scattered and running. He Himself would lay His life down. Because He knew what would happen, these words are of great significance. 

John 13:21...

 ²¹When Jesus had thus said, he was troubled in spirit, and testified, and said, Verily, verily, I say unto you, that one of you shall betray me.

 ²²Then the disciples looked one on another, doubting of whom he spake.

 ²³Now there was leaning on Jesus' bosom one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved.

We can tell from the nineteenth, twentieth, and twenty-first chapters of John, in which this phrase reoccurs, that it is referring to the disciple John himself.
Simon Peter therefore gestured to   him ( that is to John), and said to him, "Tell us who it is of whom He is speaking." He, leaning back thus on Jesus' breast, said to Him, "Lord who is it?" Jesus therefore answered, "That is the one for whom I shall dip the morsel, and give it to him.

So when He had dipped the morsel, He took and gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot. And after the morsel Satan then entered into him (Note That). Jesus therefore said to him, "what you do, do quickly." Now no one of those reclining at table knew for what purpose He said this to him. For some were supposing, because Judas had the money box, that Jesus was saying to him, "Buy the things we have need of for the feast"; or else, that he should give something to the poor. And so after receiving the morsel he went out immediately; and it was night. John 13:21-30.

Picture this if you can. The disciples gather about for the last supper and the washing of the feet, which is actually preparatory to the Passover in the truest sense, for they must be clean, reminiscent of the time when they swept out the corners to remove every bit of leaven. He is washing their feet that they will be able to enter into the feast with all purity and to partake of it with a holiness of heart. Judas is sitting near the Lord. Jesus dips a piece of the bread and hands it to Judas, telling him, "What you do, do quickly."

Most of us do not realize that what Jesus did that night precipitated final decisions. It was Judas who was thrust into the decisive role, because Jesus had washed the disciples feet. He had shown them deep love. He had demanded that they were to love one another. With such demands upon them, the disciples entered into sifting. Right then and there Judas was on the spot.

You can carry a thing in your heart that is lethal, very deadly. It may not erupt or be triggered off until that hour when God begins to really minister to you and put you on the spot. You love your enemy; you do good to him; you put him on the spot so that God deals with his heart. He will either become your brother or he will run.

The ministry of love actually projects people into the hour of decision. It is the ministry of love that throws us into it. This is what Jesus did to Judas. The thirteenth chapter of John starts:...having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.

Do you think that Jesus loved Judas?

 He chose him.

Judas may have had good qualities when he started. Slowly, but surely, this betrayal began to build up. During His ministry Christ said He had chosen twelve and one of them was a devil (John 6:70). At that point Judas was not literally devil possessed, because the Word records that when he received the sop, Satan entered into him. This was the first time that Satan entered into him.

Up to that time he had given himself over to many things and the openness to Satan was there. Much teaching has been going around the country about Christians being devil possessed. They can become devil possessed, just as Judas became devil possessed.

We can not say that Judas had not walked with the Lord. He had become so faithful to the Lord that he had healed the sick, had cast out devils, and done many good things. His ministry was so recognized by the disciples that they had to find someone who would take the bishoprick or the anointing that had rested upon him (Acts 1:20). After the resurrection and the ascension, they cast lots, and the lot fell upon Matthias who was chosen to be numbered among the twelve to take Judas place. There was a definite anointing and mantle, a commission and apostleship that someone had to walk in. A ministry had begun and someone had to complete it.

Satan had entered the heart of Judas, and he went on a course to do the perverse thing that was in his spirit. He was driven to do it because he yielded to it and Satan possessed him. From the time Satan possessed him, his doom was certain. The Lord said that it would have been better for the man by whom the Lord was betrayed if he had never been born (Matthew 26:24).

Ultimately, the good thing in Judas that had recognized the Lord Jesus Christ took over, and he realized what he had done. Even then Satan was such a deceiver, that from the implications in the Scripture, Judas felt if he put Jesus on the spot, Jesus would be forced to destroy and take over the kingdom to sit on the throne of David (Matthew 27:3). The motivation was perverse, trying to force the hand of the Lord Jesus Christ.

You do not realize what is going on in the hearts of people. Often the Holy Spirit anoints you to see the good that is working in people. But here and there a perverseness is working within people- the seed of Judas, the potential of a Judas- the potential to deny the Lord under pressure. There is a potential to betray Him, a potential to doubt Him completely and turn away from every revelation He ever brought to their hearts.

All these potentials were exhibited within the twelve apostles. Judas, Peter, and Thomas are the classic examples. There is a tendency when the chips are down to turn and run from the Lord; all twelve apostles did that upon the occasion of the cross. I am not magnifying the weakness of the disciples, but showing what a wonderful Lord He is. He loves us in spite of what He sees in us.

You must submit to the Lord constantly and say, "Lord, if you see any wicked way in me, lead me in the way everlasting. Purge me, cleanse me, help me. Do not let me be cocky." Paul said to the Corinthians, "Let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has taken you but such as is common to man, but God is faithful and is able to make a way of escape that you may be able to bear it." (I Corinthians 10:12,13). Be humble before the Lord and put no reliance on the flesh.

Do not feel your problem is buried and only once in a while uncovered so that you can see it. Everyone sees it. On a hot day that problem will show, and it will smell. It will defile the whole atmosphere. If there is anything rotten underneath the surface, ask the Lord to get it out in a hurry and deal with it as quickly as He can. It has to go.

You cannot read the Scriptures consistently and expound them without seeing the mirroring of your own heart. You have a chance to look into the pure mirror of the word of God and see what manner of person you are. Your potentials for evil and your potentials by divine grace are fantastic and awesome.

Judas took the morsel. Then he went out, and it was night. When therefore he had gone out, Jesus said, "Now is the Son of Man is glorified, and God is glorified in Him." John 13:31. Do you understand why He would say that? By precipitating the decision of Judas, how would that glorify the Lord?

My betrayal experience was very real and very painful to me. Even though at the time I tried to ignore the pain it remained; because it was a real betrayal by brothers who I had trusted and bared my heart to. Brothers that I had labored in prayer beside for years!

Christ has said in effect:
"I want you now to turn around and love one another as I have loved you. I want you to love those who betray you. I want you to love those who will deny you; I want you to love those who will not appreciate you or even know what you are doing for them. I want you to love those who you give the truth to but who have no appreciation for it. I want you to love them as I have loved you."

Do you see the meaning? Christ wants you to love as He loved, even unappreciated and totally rejected. He is saying, "I want you to love Me, and you will eventually; but I want you to love one another in this same manner that I am loving you."

"Simon Peter said to Him, "Lord, where are you going?" Jesus answered, "Where I go, you cannot follow Me now; but you shall follow later." John 13:36. Later, they would love others as He loved them ( washing their feet, loving them, laying His life down for them).

Later, the Body of Christ will come to love with the same pure, sacrificial love Christ had. As He loved us and gave Himself for us, so we ought to lay our lives down for the brethren (I John 3:16).

We will do that and come to love one another perfectly. We will not love the ones who are worthy of love, but we will love them all. We will love the Judases and the betrayers; we will love the doubters and the ones who fear. We will not love and then reject people because they reject us. We will be like the Lord who, having loved His own, loved them unto the end. Perfectly, never failing, never wavering, we will follow God.


Peter said to Him," Lord, why can I not follow You right now? I will lay down my life for you." Jesus answered, "Will you lay down your life for me? Truly, truly, I say to you, a cock shall not crow, until you deny Me three times." John 13:37-38. Peter did lay his life down for  the Lord, ultimately.

Do not reject the man who is thrown into a situation in which he denies the Lord three times. That may not be the end of him. He may weep bitterly and ultimately give his life as a martyr for the kingdom. Let us love. Let us be filled with that love of God.